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Old 05-24-2017, 12:36 PM   #1
Jeebs
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Forced sabbatical

Hi guys,

Before I write, I hope that this is not violating any protocol here. If it is, then I apologize. However, I have a lot of baggage that I need to get off my chest, a lot of which will probably come as a surprise.

As you have probably noticed, my participation here at Paceandcap has suddenly stopped to a trickle. Let me point out that this has nothing to do with the people here in the group. This is a great group of handicappers and I have picked up valuable insights from most of you over time. However, life - and in many cases - the one living that life (me) gets in the way. Nobody is perfect, either in horse racing or in life's slobberknockers. I shared this with Ted last year in a down period and now I'm ready to share with others.

Over the course of many years (since first losing a job in 2007 and until last year), I lived beyond my means. Racing/DerbyWars, poker and just frivolous spending in general. Even with marriage in 2010 and the arrival of a child in 2013, I didn't change my habits. Then last year, when the tab became too much for me to handle, I turned to one of those debt relief/settlement agencies who advertise how they can work with creditors to settle your debts at half of what you owe. Basically, you stop paying off your cards, contributing a large chunk of your paycheck to a separate settlement fund (in my case, bi-weekly) and this company eventually negotiates a settlement with a creditor at a lower balance than originally built. You pay this settlement as well as the company's fees out of this separate account.

No sooner than I would find out that maintaining this program would be difficult. In order to keep up with rent, utilities and other household items, I was tapping into savings. Around February of this year, the skies seemed to clear up. A good chunk of my debt was being settled and I was making enough money at my job where I was able to sustain without tapping into what became a beleaguered savings account. I was able to re-up with RDSS (Ted was generous enough to place me on a short term lease) and began to play with regularity again.

Around mid-March, right around the time where I was seemingly having a huge bout of success with using the program and betting, the very ugly side of debt settlement reared its head without warning. I was at work that night when I got a frank text from my wife saying that she was trying not to freak out, but some guy knocked on our door at dinner and handed her some documents. The text revealed a picture of a lawsuit that one of my creditors filed against me. Naturally, I was freaking out. The next day, I contacted the debt program agency to inform them. You see, in this program, they enroll you in legal security should lawsuits happen. You send them the legal paperwork and their lawyers negotiate with the lawyers for the creditor and attempt to work something out. Within days, they came to a settlement. However, in the coming weeks, more legal letters would make their way to my home, and these subsequent settlements have again hamstrung me, both monetarily and mentally.

To have success in any game, whether it be a game of chance or skill, you have to have the right mindset. When the lawsuits began rolling in, my psyche became very fragile. I truly believe that with this "gorilla in the room" clearly on my mind, it had a profound effect on some of my decisions. Even when I had another sharp run in April, losing any race began having an adverse effect.

As of this writing, my savings account - already having had taken a massive hit - is almost cleaned out dry. The wave of settlements stemming from those lawsuits, is bleeding me dry. I was barely able to make rent last month and am really having to watch every penny coming out of my bank account more than ever before. From a work standpoint, I am working close to 10-hour days (230pm until sometimes close to 1am or later), leaving me exhausted if I have to be up in the morning for my son. If my wife take him to his aunt's on the other days, I will sleep until 11, only to turn around and go back to work for 230. Now, we are adding a 6th day for the summer season to meet demand. I am a walking zombie most days. Even with the extra money coming in, the settlements and other expenditures are cannibalizing it quickly.

Out of necessity, I had to opt out of the next renewal of my short term RDSS. I can't play the races right now. My funds are scarce and my psyche too scared. Saratoga? Up in the air right now.

It upsets me to write something like this, because I have gotten along well with most everybody here, and this may change your opinion of me as an individual. I have to live with that. When I wrote Ted about my plight last year, I mentioned that I wasn't looking for any sort of handout and that I made my bed and need to rest in it. On the other hand, one of my friends encouraged me to reach out and ask for help/assistance to get through this. I am thinking that the latter isn't a terrible idea at this point.

I am hoping to eventually get back to active participation once a lot of this smoke clears. However I don't know when that will be. It is extremely defeating in many ways because I am letting both myself and my family down by not being able to sufficiently provide. Every single day is filled with nerves on how I will somehow be able to make a utility payment or be able to save enough to the side to ensure I am able to pay for groceries or a Mother's Day gift for my wife. The fear is paralyzing on many days.

If people here wish to assist either monetarily and/or with support and encouragement, I am both humbled and appreciative of it. As I said before, I made my bed. Now is not a time to get chewed out and chastised for my mistakes. I've heard enough of that chatter in the past year and it is defeating. I don't need another reminder of how I am a loser in life. I just want to close this dark chapter of my life and see the blue sky of a new chapter.

Thank you for humoring me. This was a long post, but I feel 1000x better for sharing my story.

Tim Bullock
nyracingfan@gmail.com
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:11 PM   #2
cigar
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Short Term Pains

Tim I commend you for your honesty. You did not take the easy way out and file personal bankruptcy. Instead you are making restitution to your creditors, that speak volume of your character and moral compass. This process will take some time and I sure you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. It will not be easy but persevere. This is only short term pain.

Keep posting when you can, this site has a good group of cappers you can lean on for moral support. I have the privilege of meet some.


Vish (Cigar)
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Old 05-24-2017, 06:49 PM   #3
mowens33
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Tim, what you need to remember is that when push comes to shove your priority is to the people you love, they are the people who come first, everything else is secondary. You need to take care of you and your family, don’t care what anyone else thinks, they are not the ones who will be there for you.

Life has its up’s and downs (trust me I know), unfortunately you’re having some bad times, but from what I just read there is no doubt that better days are ahead.

Stay Strong!

Mike
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Old 05-24-2017, 07:04 PM   #4
Mitch44
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Cigar is right in that the first step you have taken is huge and that is to face your demons. Also to be successful at this game one has to have a clear mind and not be playing with scared money.

Placing your family and problems first places you on the correct path to succeed. I have no doubt you'll succeed. You can do whatever you set your mind to. If you can't succeed with your problems then don't return because the hard truth is if you can't succeed as a two dollar bettor then you can't succeed at all. Larger bets should only come from winnings, otherwise it effects your game tremendously.

I would suggest you stay away until all your problems are cleared up because the temptation here is overwhelming and like a drug to some. Horses have ruined many a home and family's.

The first step to solve any problem is to recognize there is a problem. Now that you stopped digging I know you'll succeed. Your a class guy Tim and I wish you great success. Take whatever time it takes. Call me whenever if you would like, I'll be there for you. You can do this!!
Mitch44

Last edited by Mitch44; 05-24-2017 at 07:07 PM.
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Old 05-24-2017, 07:36 PM   #5
Bill V.
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Love

Hi Jeebs

I totally undestand, I went through a very similar ordeal. I nearly took my own life,
I would have done it , Things like what your going through are hard to understand , why ?
The saving grace for me was I was loved, I turned away from God , I blamed every thing and everyone,
When I was nearly at my death with disrepair I turned back to God,
I gave thanks and prase, and I got a new strenth. Soon friends and my family's love was my saving tonic,

I pray to God for you and your family , that with love you will overcome these set backs
I and your friends her at pace and cap are there for you,

I would be very happy to see you stay around here, We love you,
You are very good , I,m sure we have not seen your true skill ,under the stress you face,

Right now I suggest you " play" with races you already have downloaded from the past,
Never try to fix your problems with racing, But continue to work some races Just look at them as a escape, and make it a happy goal , that someday soon you will be back healthy and happy

I went through it,
Bless you
Bill
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Old 05-24-2017, 08:25 PM   #6
shoeless
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Jeebs

You have a responsibility to your wife and son, IMO the last thing you
should be thinking about is Saratoga

Hope everything works out for the best

Jeff
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Old 05-25-2017, 12:28 AM   #7
Brian Chamberlain
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Tim your brutally candid post took guts, very heart wrenching. I pray for you to maintain courage and strength. This is a fixable problem. It will be exhausting but you can do it. My recommendation: stop all debt-no credit cards, stop all wagering, whether horses, poker, or sports even if you're good at it. "Scared Money" shouldn't be used to wager. Be extra frugal. Work double. 80 hours a week can done temporarily if you see the end result: the peace that comes from being debt free. And your family will be proud of you. I wish you the best. Hopefully this will seem just a bad dream down the road. Kind regards, Brian
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Old 05-25-2017, 05:03 AM   #8
gl45
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Jeebs,

you are a gambler, don't be afraid to ask for help going to some kind of rehab center. Forget the nice words, gambling is a disease and you must cope with the consequences. Don't listen to the money stories from other people, very few people got rich in gambling.
Just follow Bill V. suggestions, turn your mind to God and the love from your family. Wish you all the best but it is what it is and reality sucks.

GL
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Old 05-25-2017, 07:28 AM   #9
shoeless
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GL45

Very good post

Jeff
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Old 05-25-2017, 02:17 PM   #10
The Pook
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Hey Jeebs,

Good luck man. I and many others enjoyed your posting this spring. Very entertaining. Sorry to hear about your problems but you really have to listen to the guys here and stop with the horses (for now). I wouldn't even be thinking about Saratoga. You are a young guy with a family and that has to be your priority.

There are no riches to be found here. All that profit from this game would admit that it is a grind involving lots of patience and a mental stability needed to ride the ups and downs. That mental state is nearly impossible in your situation.

Put your head down and keep working. Maybe later you will find yourself in the situation to come back here with a clear head for the right attitude to play this game.

Pook
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