Pace and Cap - Sartin Methodology & The Match Up - View Single Post

Jeebs · 07-01-2019, 11:53 PM

Hello everybody,

It’s been awhile since I’ve been on PaceandCap. For good reason.

The afternoon and evening of June 4, 2019 marked the end of my previous life. I won’t get into painstaking detail, but the short version is that my wife of almost 9 years (13 years together) discovered years of deception as it pertained to my years of gambling.

The next morning, I finally had to look in the mirror and admit what I have known for a long time, yet kept denying. I am a compulsive gambler. That morning of June 5, 2019 marked the start of a new journey. One that has been emotionally and financially difficult, yet at the same time, enlightening.

I contacted the compulsive gambling helpline, and was set up with a network of support and resources right off the bat. I found an amazing therapist, whom I’m seeing once a week. I needed that, as multiple times during that first week in the journey, I either attempted or considered suicide to permanently end my mental pain. Thankfully, I kept a Lifeline on my phone, and got support to ease the pain and being my mind and objectives back to reality.

One of the most humbling experiences was June 7. It marked my first time setting foot in a Gamblers’ Anonymous meeting room. Although I had reviewed the list of 20 questions periodically over the years, denying the existence of a problem, having a G.A. member reading back to me all 20 questions, and “flunking” the test with a perfect 20/20 score was one of my most embarrassing and humbling moments in life. But, I have kept going back. Meetings are now an integral part of my routine, and I often find myself at 3-4 meetings a week. The drive is an inconvenience, but I overlook that, because I need the support group, and to listen to the insight each person brings to the meetings.

Unfortunately, my steps in admitting my problem, and using therapy and G.A. to rehabilitate my image and rebuild trust have proven fruitless as far as my marriage is concerned. Last Thursday, my wife decided that the best path forward for her both emotionally and financially was to inform me of her intention to pursue divorce. Her family has offered for her and my two young sons to move into their house, which she has accepted. Although nothing has been filed, and details are being ironed out, she sees no path to reconciliation.

With our marriage ending, and the reality that I will have to support a 2-bedroom apartment by myself - utilities and groceries - along with a mountain of debt that has been chopped away at for a few years now and the prospect of significant child support, I am beyond overwhelmed. Unfortunately, I also had a very untimely (and expensive) car repair (front brakes, tie rod ends plus preventative maintenance) that I couldn’t cover with my bank account, forcing me to incur debt on a card. Money is tight, so much, that I had to resort to the GoFundMe route to even make my monthly rent, so not to put anymore undue stress on my wife and the situation. Between GoFundMe and a singular PayPal contribution, I received over $300 in aid from friends. While this is helping, I still need more assistance to help establish a foundation where I won’t continue to fall. Although I don’t expect everybody here to bend over backwards, I will leave this here for anyone who is willing to lend a helping hand:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/Help-Brot..._co_campmgmt_m

If you wish not to use GoFundMe, I will also accept a contribution through PayPal. My email address for PayPal purposes is NYRacingFan@gmail.com. Or you may choose not to contribute. It’s an individual choice. I can only ask the favor, the worst someone can say is “no”.

For those who end up donating, I pledge to account for every dollar used. I am on Day 27 and counting of abstaining from the bet. If I make it to Closing Day at Saratoga abstaining, I will be celebrating 90 days of being clean and serene. This will be a major accomplishment.

I will end my post with the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I know that I fouled up. I can’t change that. But I do have the power to take better care of myself, and take inventory of my moral being. It will take a long time, bit I will continue to transform myself on a moral level, one day at a time.

As for my future in horse racing, that chapter has closed. I will not be attending any races at Saratoga this season or in the future. I will not be attending the gathering in late August. I will no longer actively post threads. I am no longer using RDSS or other products. Horse racing - and gambling in general - is too painful. If I slip, I will simply return to destructive habits, compounding the situation. I need a healthier, productive hobby or activity to fill life’s voids.

Thank you. If members wish to reach out, either email me (timmybullock@icloud.com), as I will seldom be checking this board, or contact me via private message on Facebook. If you wish to contribute, every small bit helps. If you wish to pray for my recovery, please do so. I need the spiritual backing to get me through on a daily basis.

Thank you everyone for your kindness,

Tim B aka Jeebs

07-01-2019, 11:53 PM	#1
Jeebs Grade 1 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 909	A new journey Hello everybody, It’s been awhile since I’ve been on PaceandCap. For good reason. The afternoon and evening of June 4, 2019 marked the end of my previous life. I won’t get into painstaking detail, but the short version is that my wife of almost 9 years (13 years together) discovered years of deception as it pertained to my years of gambling. The next morning, I finally had to look in the mirror and admit what I have known for a long time, yet kept denying. I am a compulsive gambler. That morning of June 5, 2019 marked the start of a new journey. One that has been emotionally and financially difficult, yet at the same time, enlightening. I contacted the compulsive gambling helpline, and was set up with a network of support and resources right off the bat. I found an amazing therapist, whom I’m seeing once a week. I needed that, as multiple times during that first week in the journey, I either attempted or considered suicide to permanently end my mental pain. Thankfully, I kept a Lifeline on my phone, and got support to ease the pain and being my mind and objectives back to reality. One of the most humbling experiences was June 7. It marked my first time setting foot in a Gamblers’ Anonymous meeting room. Although I had reviewed the list of 20 questions periodically over the years, denying the existence of a problem, having a G.A. member reading back to me all 20 questions, and “flunking” the test with a perfect 20/20 score was one of my most embarrassing and humbling moments in life. But, I have kept going back. Meetings are now an integral part of my routine, and I often find myself at 3-4 meetings a week. The drive is an inconvenience, but I overlook that, because I need the support group, and to listen to the insight each person brings to the meetings. Unfortunately, my steps in admitting my problem, and using therapy and G.A. to rehabilitate my image and rebuild trust have proven fruitless as far as my marriage is concerned. Last Thursday, my wife decided that the best path forward for her both emotionally and financially was to inform me of her intention to pursue divorce. Her family has offered for her and my two young sons to move into their house, which she has accepted. Although nothing has been filed, and details are being ironed out, she sees no path to reconciliation. With our marriage ending, and the reality that I will have to support a 2-bedroom apartment by myself - utilities and groceries - along with a mountain of debt that has been chopped away at for a few years now and the prospect of significant child support, I am beyond overwhelmed. Unfortunately, I also had a very untimely (and expensive) car repair (front brakes, tie rod ends plus preventative maintenance) that I couldn’t cover with my bank account, forcing me to incur debt on a card. Money is tight, so much, that I had to resort to the GoFundMe route to even make my monthly rent, so not to put anymore undue stress on my wife and the situation. Between GoFundMe and a singular PayPal contribution, I received over $300 in aid from friends. While this is helping, I still need more assistance to help establish a foundation where I won’t continue to fall. Although I don’t expect everybody here to bend over backwards, I will leave this here for anyone who is willing to lend a helping hand: https://www.gofundme.com/f/Help-Brot..._co_campmgmt_m If you wish not to use GoFundMe, I will also accept a contribution through PayPal. My email address for PayPal purposes is NYRacingFan@gmail.com. Or you may choose not to contribute. It’s an individual choice. I can only ask the favor, the worst someone can say is “no”. For those who end up donating, I pledge to account for every dollar used. I am on Day 27 and counting of abstaining from the bet. If I make it to Closing Day at Saratoga abstaining, I will be celebrating 90 days of being clean and serene. This will be a major accomplishment. I will end my post with the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I know that I fouled up. I can’t change that. But I do have the power to take better care of myself, and take inventory of my moral being. It will take a long time, bit I will continue to transform myself on a moral level, one day at a time. As for my future in horse racing, that chapter has closed. I will not be attending any races at Saratoga this season or in the future. I will not be attending the gathering in late August. I will no longer actively post threads. I am no longer using RDSS or other products. Horse racing - and gambling in general - is too painful. If I slip, I will simply return to destructive habits, compounding the situation. I need a healthier, productive hobby or activity to fill life’s voids. Thank you. If members wish to reach out, either email me (timmybullock@icloud.com), as I will seldom be checking this board, or contact me via private message on Facebook. If you wish to contribute, every small bit helps. If you wish to pray for my recovery, please do so. I need the spiritual backing to get me through on a daily basis. Thank you everyone for your kindness, Tim B aka Jeebs Last edited by Jeebs; 07-02-2019 at 12:02 AM.